Mother: Well you know she was so old, poor old thing
Me: She failed the MOT?
Mother: I'll say - it would have cost at least a thousand or more.
Mother: So anyway, funny little John at the car place - you know John?
Mother: Him with the lisp?
Mother: Well, anyway, John at the car place he takes me aside you see, and he says, 'Now then Mrs Moore, this old car's being heading to the scrap heap for a long time. But there's a car just at the garage down the road - on the forecourt - it's perfect for you'. So off I trot, down the road and sure enough there's a little blue car there with my name on it - just the ticket.
Me: So you bought it?
Mother: Yep. She arrives today. She's a dear little thing. And a nice shade of blue. So I've called her Little Bluey.
I did have to take Old Purple for a victory lap, though. Do you know where I went? I took her all along the cliffs, so she could see the sea - aren't I silly...
Mother ...and then drove her the country way home, by the rhododendrons.
But! You'll never believe it! She's not headed to the scrapheap - she's got a second life. She's going - guess where she's going for her retirement? She's going to be a stock car!
Me: A Ford-bloody-Estate car that barely starts?!
Mother: Yeh! They said they love cars like her - something about 'impact ratio' - or some similar thing.
Me: 'Impact ratio'? Sounds like she's gonna be crushed, regardless of the scrapheap.
Mother: Well, at least she'll go out with a bang!